remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you traded sex for a burrito?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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