I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
This is my gift to your gina
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
