WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
