tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
