I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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