This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
