he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
