Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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