how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
