1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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