I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
