we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just gift wrapped bread.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
