New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
