Someone shit on the floor
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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