You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
