I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
