if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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