why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
