I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
