like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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