yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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