I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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