someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
