sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
