Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Can I color on your dick again?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize