Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
