Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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