Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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