): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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