Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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