I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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