her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize