i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
