what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
