i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
