I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
