And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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