Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
