It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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