If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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