Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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