She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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