my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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