he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
