Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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