when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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