I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
