I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
