ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We had sex on a dog bed..
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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