I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
