I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
