i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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