boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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