You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
