Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
