I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
