You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
