it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
