So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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