omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
