My friends, they love my intelligence
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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