okay pat passed out under dana's car
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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