There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Randomize
