This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I touched a dick in church today
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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