this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
