Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
