After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
