Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
