pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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