weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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