she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
