trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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