It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
