You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Are my feet made of real feet?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
