her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
