Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize