My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
