I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Congratulations! We have a period
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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