I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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