imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
