i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
