I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
