you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
