covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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